No More Days Off

For the last few months I've taken the time to sit back, and observe the behavior of a few of my closest friends/people I choose to look up to. I try to get into this routine every couple of months to maintain focus on both my long term and short term goals in both sobriety …

A Remorseful Father’s Day

I promised myself I wasn’t going to write a blog post today but here we are. I guess I just didn’t want to get upset or emotional today but I’ve come to realize over the past two and half years that that isn’t how this works. I’ve also come to realize the power of writing …

What My Father Taught Me

As this brutal day resurfaces for the second year now, I decided to take a different approach this year. I wanted to reflect on some of the most important life lessons that my father taught me over our 22-year run together. While all his lessons were priceless, these are the few that I practice daily. …

That Fine Line

I have no beginning, middle, or end in mind as I begin typing tonight but I haven’t written in a while, and figured it was time to get back into it. Life has been just a continuous journey of ebbs and flows over the last four months. I look back at what has gone on …

A Year Without You

As I sit here and type this out at 4:37 in the morning, In yet another sleepless night, My mind is flooded with two things. Every moment both good and bad that we spent together, And those that we won’t be together for.   A year ago, my life got turned upside down. I remember …

Three Years in the Books

Three years ago, I realized that it was time to make a change. I had no idea what that looked like, or how I would achieve that, But I knew it was time.   This has been, however, the most difficult year on this journey. I experienced the loss of my father, who was my …

Dear Zach

For the past week, I have tried to find the words to accurately describe you,and to be honest they just don't exist brother. For the past 23 years you displayed nothing but true love, honesty, genuity and commitment to not only those around you, but to all those you came in contact with throughout your …

Hamster Wheel

There is possibly nothing more liberating than free falling into the unknown. Taking that first step out into unchartered water, and tapping into something greater than yourself. For me this is something I don’t do nearly as often as I should. I find a routine or pattern, get sucked in and stay there for months …

Blurred Lines

I look back on the past six months of my life,and I continually question myself on what has changed. What have I done to enhance the quality of life for not only myself, but for those around me. I question my sincerity at home. I question my motivation at work, and I am currently question …

Grief

I haven’t written for my blog, or any other type of writing in the past three months, So bear with me. This is going to be scattered and jumbled at best. You all know that my father past away suddenly last December, And over the past three months I have experienced a whole world of …

Goodbye

As I sit here next to you, My head is racing at a mile a minute. And my heart is screaming louder than it ever has. I look at you and I see peace. I don’t know if you’ve made it up there yet, But if you have, let me know what the view’s like. …

Please Wake Up Dad

I don’t even know where to begin. I am currently sitting in hospital with my dad in the ICU. I had never thought that this would be a situation I would be in. I’ve never experienced something so real.   Now I’ve been afraid before, And I always just assumed it was the same as …

A Year Without You.

A year ago today I lost the most influential and important person in my life. He was the first person I met that had shared their sobriety with me. I thought it was mind-blowing that a twenty one year old, Didn’t feel the need to drink, but more astonishingly, Didn’t want to. I’ll admit that …

Control and Focus

Control is an interesting thing in today’s society. It’s something we all desire to have so badly, And it’s something that is promoted in the world we live in today. “You control your destiny.” “You control what happens in life.” So on and so forth. These sort of phrases and sayings are plastered all over …

Year Two Down

Year Two Down This past year has been a bumpy one for me. I fell away from my program And I stopped doing the things I did in the beginning.   I need to get back to the root of this program. The simple aspects that work so well. But if I don’t call myself …

Sobriety is Personal

When I set out on this journey 23 months ago, I had absolutely no idea what was in store for me. If you offered me a hundredth of what I have today I would have taken it in a heart beat over the way I was living, or shall I say, the way I was …

Not Present

Today I am not present, I didn’t wake up and hit my knees, I didn’t pick up the phone and call people, I didn’t go to a meeting.   And now, 9:30pm, I wonder why I am restless, irritable, and discontent. The last thing I want to be doing right now, If I am being …

The Triangle

I was looking at my one year coin the other day And I started to take a quick look at how faithful I’ve been To all three sides of the tringle Unity, Recovery, and Service.   I started to do some research on the triangle itself, And found the meaning of it to be nothing …

Accepting My Part

I used to ponder the idea of achieving my goals. Have a taste of that success that I always dreamed of But I put that on hold for years And I inhibited my options for growth and achievement   I had one mission. And that was to figure out where to get my next fix …

Power Greater Than Me

For me it wasn’t that hard to grasp a concept greater than myself. I was born and raised Catholic and still carry out my faith to this day. It is not this way for all, but I think we overthink this step very frequently.  I mean everything I did didn’t work. I ran my life …

Powerless

So after a lot of research and a tough track record looking back on it, I have come to the conclusion that I am powerless. It took me a long time to finally admit this to myself. Looking back on it, while I lied to everyone else about this, the most damaging thing that I …

Instant Gratification or Spirituality

It is important for me to remember that there is a difference between God and Life. Life, as you all by now should know, consist of the people I encounter, the situations I deal with the places I go, the feelings I encounter, and so on and so forth. God, is here to save me …

Anger is a Seconday Emotion

I have come to learn that anger is a secondary emotion. The underlining emotion that gets pushed to the side is fear. In my opinion, fear comes in all shapes and sizes and every negative emotion I experience can usually be traced back to fear. When I get rejected or pushed away I naturally get …

Dear Conner

I know you are in a better place, And I know you are now free, But man it sucks. I’ve called you so many times in the last month   Guess it still hasn’t sunk in yet. Man you gave me a way out. You reached your hand out and picked me up When no …

Back to That Metal Chair

I look back at my short time here And couldn’t be more confused About where I am today Did I deserve it? Hell no. That’s the trip. I took the suggestions that were given to me I hated every single one   Why would I show up A whole hour early To make so old …

Couldn’t think of a Title lolol

I was recently talking to a friend before class this morning And the topic of drinking came up. I told him that I don’t drink And he seemed a bit surprised with my response.   So I proceeded to tell him that I was allergic to alcohol. His response, “Dude that is the worst thing …

For Those Unsure

I have seen a lot of people come in and out in the past year I have on the other side seen a lot of people stay out and ignore signs While it is not my place to take your inventory for you I am going to share my experience with you.   I knew …

What’s Your Next Line?

I have come to the realization that I have always had a toolkit, The only problem was I had filled it with the wrong tools. These tools consisted of alcohol, anger, depression, isolation, sugar, Binge watching 18 episodes of a show on Netflix in one day.   Whatever it was, it always had negative effects …

One Year Down.

A lot has change in the past year, I walked in a year ago. Broken, Scared, Emotionally Bankrupt. Hallow with absolutely nothing left inside, Hopeless and desperate.   I was sleeping in my car, My friend count was a total of zero. Every bridge and opportunity burned down by my habits. I couldn’t even hold …

The Help and Love I Ignored

It didn’t just affect me It wasn’t just my problem That was a huge delusion I lived in for so long   When people use to tell me that I needed to slow done Maybe take a break for a while Or that I was out of control I use to get so mad   …

Today

Today I am grateful. Today I woke up, Dressed up, shut up And showed up.   That is the best gift that I have received in life The gift of being able to show up For family, friends Strangers, but most importantly myself.     Today my life is good I would have settled for …

Wrapped in Fear

Right now. This moment right here, This, This is all I have   I have spent about half of my life Looking back on my past Getting caught up in all the mistakes I’ve made Living in regret and remorse   The other half of my life has been spent Wrapped in this blanket of …

Fuck It

In this world what we are will never be enough, Right from the start, we are thrown into a world Where the fulfillment of expectations Is a requirement for a successful life.   This is who you have to be, This is the job you have to have The girl, the car, the house, the …

Coming to Terms

Acceptance is something that I have always struggled with Not only on a big level or in life changing events But even when I would lose a PAL baseball game Man would I be pissed.   Looking back on it now, I let these types of things Control my life. No matter what I had …

“Mark This Day”

Why can’t you just stop? I wish I had the answer to this question. I wish I knew what to tell them to make their crying stop To make their pain go away To stop breaking their heart.   But I didn’t. They lies I had told them my whole life had finally caught up …

Is This It?

And now and again that fleeting thought comes… But this life, it wasn’t for me It wasn’t supposed to go like this I mean I'm just young right? Everyone my age is doing it. My brain goes on and on, filling me with the delusions The delusions that this time it'll be ok That this …